PROBLEMS Sixth Problem: Misunderstandings

Problems
Fandom: Teen Titans
Pairing: Rob/BB
By: CutIzHot


Sixth Problem: Revelations and misunderstandings

I had never expected this afternoon to turn out to be so much fun. To my great surprise, it was; far from the super awkward situation in that stupid café a few hours ago. Yeah; I don't really want to think about it anymore. I guess I already made enough of an idiot out of myself for today. And Robin was kind enough to let it slip and not bring my strange behavior up again. Speaking about him; I honestly don't know how he does it, going out of leader – mode for so long. But somehow he manages, and he was actually quite enjoyable company today. Still is; mind you.
Currently we walk through some park, back towards the titan’s tower. We still talk about Robin's inability to kill more zombies than me. The sun is about to go down on the horizon and I feel totally content with everything for once. Yeah, a big turn in events; considering the last few days and everything that happened, but I could get used to this. Spending time with him; just talking, goofing around and all. It’s surely more fun than getting stupid lectures from him all the time. Not sure about Robin, but I guess he liked the afternoon we spent together just fine. Or at least I hope so.
With a sigh I watch the sky go red around the tall buildings of the city; all the while denying our leaders current argument on why quality is better than quantity when it comes to zombie – slaying. Yep; the day turned out great for everybody. Well, everybody but Star. You know; the friendly, kind girl I had totally forgotten about until just now. After we ditched her at that store and left her alone with her ice cream, we somehow ended up in the arcade. Not sure why, but Robin figured it was a good idea to go there. You know, to cheer me up or something; because he was tired of seeing me all depressed and what not. Dude, I'm not depressed, but whatever! I didn't like his little you-need-to-snap-out-of-it, BB- Speech at all, but he was kind of right, I think. I do feel a lot better by now. And the games actually managed to stop me from over - thinking stuff for a while. If that isn’t a great step in the right direction.
It took me a bit of convincing, but I managed to talk Robin into actually playing some games with me. I won them; hence the discussion about the zombies. I guess video games are one of the very few things he actually sucks at. Well, at least he isn't that annoyingly perfect in everything. But he obviously is when it comes to apologizing; because I'm not mad at him at all anymore. Of course he never outright said anything, but still; who cares about the things he said yesterday? Or the day before that? Not me; when he is shooting walking corpses just to cheer me up. Freaking romantic, isn't it? I guess I already told you how messed up my brain is. Honestly, he could scream at me all he wants if he makes up for it like this. But somehow I have a feeling I might be overreacting a bit; he just spent one afternoon with me. But whatever, who cares. I’m pretty easy to cheer up, anyways. Soon enough I’ll be bawling my eyes out once again about god knows what; I bet. Retarded mood swings and crap; all the suck – ish things that come from being a teenager. Tsk; can’t wait till this fucked up period of my life is over.
"-so, in the end it was me who would have made greater progress in a mission to save the world from a zombie apocalypse." Yes, he still goes on about that. No, I guess he doesn't take losing all that well. "Dude, the score says something else." I grin to myself while I walk; hands behind my head. He crosses his arms and pouts, obviously running out of arguments. And it is pissing him off, let me tell you. My grin widens even more in response.
After a moment he shakes his head, looking back over to me. "Alright; you win. This time." And he flashes me a smile while saying this that makes my knees go weak. With a blush coloring my cheeks I look down; watching my shoes while I walk. Yeah; way to ruin a conversation, BB; congratulations! I hear him sigh next to me; and after a few seconds of silence he starts talking again.
"So, there's a reason for you to act so weird around me lately?" I swallow; scratching my neck in a nervous manner. Actually, yeah, but none I would like to share right now. "N-nothing, really." The stuttering surely convinced him, really. I roll my eyes at my own stupidity and my body's inability to talk properly. Why can’t some random villain show up in moments like this? The buggers always come out of nowhere when you honestly don’t need them; like when I’m in the shower. But once you really want them to show up to get out of some super – awkward conversation? Nope; not a single one. Bet they do it on purpose…
"You know you can tell me if something bothers you, right? That's what friends are for." He's still walking next to me, his voice sounding like he talks about the weather or something. Cool and collected, like always. And me? I'm a nervous wreck; my heart beating twice as fast as usual in my chest. Maybe I should tell him? It would certainly make things easier; once he clarified to me that nothing's gonna happen; ever. Maybe that would get my brain back to working like it should? That would be a good idea, I guess. Acting like an adult for once and just talk about it. And I'm prepared for heartbreak, since I never really believed that I had a chance in the first place. So what do I have to lose?
Other than my dignity. No, scratch that; he saved me from living dinner that tried to rape me yesterday; and we watched cartoon porn the night before with me lying on his lap. Yeah; I really don't have anything to lose here. And it's not like he could just blow our friendship; with us being in the same team. I know he would never risk the titans over something stupid like my feelings for him. So, what is holding me back? Ah, right. My mouth not being able to from coherent words. That sure is a good reason.
Robin is still watching me, and the nervous flutter in my stomach isn't making things easier here. Taking a deep breath I look anywhere but him. "…well, there is something, actually…and, well- it's… complicated." Wow, now that was an awesome start. It sounds like I'm so many levels of retarded. Our leader is still looking at me; now curious as to what my stupid babbling is supposed to tell him. "Complicated? Well, what is it?" Oh my god; I feel like I'm about to pass out. Why is it suddenly so warm and uncomfortable in this stupid park?! Oh for the sake of it; just tell him already! Act like a man, not like a school girl for once!
"…you still want to hear, even if it could ruin our friendship?" The ridiculous lyrics of that dreaded song from the café are stuck in my head now; great. His calm expression doesn't change and he nods. "That's not gonna happen, BB. Now, what is it?" I start to fidget with the hem of my hoodie; must look totally stupid. At the moment I couldn't care less, honestly. He's still smiling at me; not getting how difficult this crap is for me. "I'm serious, Robin." Again he nods. "So am I. Come on, BB; what is wrong with you?" Too many things to list right now. So I just say the first thing that comes to mind; even if it sounds cheesy and dumb and what not.
"Well, there is this person… I, well-… happen to like, and…it happens to be, uhm… one of the-… titans…maybe." How is it possible to take so long to form a single sentence?! And I guess not even the green skin hides the ridiculously dark blush on my face. I still look in the opposite direction but I know Robin is watching me. Please, someone let me die right now! This is so embarrassing on so many levels. Why do some people actually want to fall for somebody? It obviously sucks! It sucks big time, this love – crap! Ugh, stop looking at me, Robin. You are not helping; at all. Calm down, stupid heart, you're not running a freaking marathon, damn it! Everything is against me right now, even my own traitorous body.
"That's the reason you left that café at record speed?" Yes. No. I don't even remember anymore. I feel so very, very sick right now. How can a simple crush on somebody do this to me? It's all kinds of horrible, let me tell you! And I just want this dreaded, awful conversation to be over with; as fast as possible, please! My palms start to sweat and I nervously rub my hands on the fabric of my hoodie. And he is still talking. Fuck.
"You just left without a word; Star was worried you were sick or something. I had to assure her I would be looking for you so she wouldn't call an ambulance." He chuckles softly while recalling the event. Yeah, isn't she just freaking perfect?! Somehow, his calm voice is really putting me off. It gets warmer here; I feel like throwing up. My hands start to shake; I'm a mess all over. And whose fault is that? His! Maybe I should just stop talking and strangle him for not getting what I want to tell him. And for talking about how kind Starfire is right now. Something, somewhere just snapped I think.
"See, that's exactly why I left, Robin!" Why do I start to almost scream at him now? What the hell is wrong with me? Must be the hormones as well. "I can't stand this anymore; watching you!" He raises a brow, obviously confused now. Probably thinks I have finally gone crazy for good. Not sure if it’s that far from the truth. "Watching me?"
My hands are balled to fists by now; knuckles turning pale under the pressure. I really, honestly can't handle love confessions all that well. "With her!" It's a good thing that it's late; so we are alone in the park. Otherwise I would have made so much of a scene right now. I shout at him like I'm his jealous girlfriend; staring at him with an angry expression. No idea why; I shouldn't be angry at him at all. Maybe I'm just mad about myself. His smile has vanished; as well as his calmness. He just stands there, staring back at me with his mouth open. A few seconds pass with no sound but my heavy breathing and my thundering heartbeat before he finally reacts somehow.
"Oh." That’s the moment when realization hits him and he gets what I just told him. And it is the exact same moment that my anger vanishes and leaves me to stand in front of him like an idiot. All the sudden energy is drained from my body; I feel more light headed and somehow numb. What happened to all the stupid adrenaline? "So… that's why? Because you have feelings for-" Robin doesn't look mad or angry or anything. Just very surprised. While he pieces together what I just admitted to him, I can feel my eyes begin to tear up. Why the hell do I feel like breaking down crying now? Seriously, give me a break, hormones. I think I can't keep this up any longer. Nor will I be able to keep myself up any longer when I stay standing here right now.
"Sorry!" I turn away from him to hide my face and the tears on my cheeks; hurriedly morphing into any random bird. He opens his mouth and reaches out for my arm before I can transform; trying to stop me. I won't stop. I know I shouldn't be running away from my problems all the time, but I just can't face him right now. So I take off into the darkening sky, leaving him alone down there shouting my name. Even as this tiny bird I can still feel the tightness of my stomach, the heavy beating of my heart, tiredness and anger at myself. It should be forbidden to have so many feelings all at once. And it certainly can't be healthy.
~~~
It has to be way past midnight by now. I skipped dinner once again, trying my best to avoid Starfire, Robin and anybody else. I swear, I’m going to starve one of those days. After my return to the tower I locked myself in my room, successfully blocking out the rest of the world. I just wanted to stop thinking. About everything; feelings, hormones, crushes, leaders. Yeah, you catch my drift. Cyborg came to my room some time ago, asking me if I everything was alright. I told him to sod off. He was not amused. But honestly, at the moment I couldn't care less. I guess its situations like this that drive people to drinking. I won't, don't worry. Just saying that I can kind of understand them a bit better now. Being in love sucks big time; even more than being a teenaged super hero changeling. I know why one would like to just block all the annoying feelings out. Or drown them in alcohol.
With a tired sigh from my still raw throat (crying too much in too short time periods and monster attacks do that for you) I lean on the railing. The night wind is soothing somehow, and watching the coast calms me as well. I always end up here on the tower's roof when I feel down. What happens a lot lately. My eyes follow a stray insect as it flutters by, down towards the shore. Yeah, this really helps to get my mind clear and relax a bit. But maybe it's just the tiredness that is finally taking over, leaving me without energy.
The soft sound of footsteps approaching the door leading to the roof rips me out of my stupor. I listen carefully, recognizing the person pretty fast. Another tired sigh and I close my eyes, still leaning on the metal bars of the railing. He has a habit of showing up when I don't want to see him, really. How did he figure out I was up here, anyways? I don't turn to meet his eyes; instead I just wait for him to approach me. Robin is much better at starting conversations then I am, after all. He leans against the metal next to me, looking up at the starlit sky. His voice has taken this softer edge he often uses on Star when he finally speaks. "You won't run off again, will you?" After a moment of silence I shake my head. I don't think I will, much too tired right now. And really, how much worse could things go, anyway? Might as well just stay and get it over with.
"Good. Listen, BB, I'm not mad at you or anything." I still refuse to look at him; even if it is dark up here, I don't want him to see how red my eyes are from crying. God, I'm such a girl. "It's not like you can just change your feelings." That's right, isn't it? I tried, believe me. It won't work, no matter how often I wished they would just disappear. For a couple of minutes we stand in silence; strangely enough it doesn't bother me. I'm really done for today, aren't I? His next words startle me a bit, but not enough to look up at him.
"I won't tell the others, alright?" That does make the whole messed up situation a little bit better; at least he is the only one who knows I made a fool out of myself like this. With another tired sigh I nod silently and he is smiling again. A gloved hand is placed on my shoulder lightly; sending a shudder down my spine.
"And you shouldn't be afraid to talk about it." Now he sounds like the concerned older brother I never had. I'm not sure if that is a comforting thought or not. My eyes are still closed, focusing on his voice and his fingers on my shoulder. At his next words however, they snap open at the speed of light. "I'm sure she will be flattered!"
Yeah. Slow down here for a moment. This whole conversation wasn't so bad until now. But somehow the last sentence came out wrong. She? Is there something about Robin I didn’t know until know? Blinking my eyes a couple of times I slowly wake from my stupor induced by the soft wind and Robin's closeness. "What?"
Not the smartest response, but the best I can come up with. My brain is still a bit slow, tired and all. So it takes me a bit to understand what he is even talking about. When I turn around to finally look at him he is flashing me a winning grin. "I'm serious, BB. Just try and talk to her." Still not sure what is even going on, so I just stare at him. Talk to her? Who is “her”?
"But, you-" My sentence remains unfinished when Robin lifts his arms in surrender, shaking his head. "Don't worry about me! There never was anything between me and Star; and it's not like I'm interested, really!" Patting me on the back like CY would after a well-played match, Robin goes on. "I won't be the jealous boyfriend or anything, promise. So you can start to act normal around me again." With that said and a soft laugh he turns to leave, winking at me before disappearing behind a closed door. My mouth is hanging open and I close it a couple of times like some fish out of water. Wait… what? What exactly did just happen?
"So he thinks… its Star I like…?"
I just admitted my feelings for Robin today. Or didn’t I? Well, I told him that I have crush on one of the titans. I also told him I can't stand to see him with her. I make a total fool out of myself and say the most embarrassing things ever. Only to have him think I want his girl? Yeah, that is the perfect end for the perfect day for little old BB. If my life isn't the peachiest fucking thing ever.
I'm not sure what exactly happened in the following twenty five minutes. Guess I just stood on the tower and stared at the door like some idiot. And considered the amount of height it would take to kill me when jumping from a roof. The tiny insect from before is back; fluttering around my head. And I could swear it’s mocking me, the little bugger.

~~~tbc.

Now if BB isn't making some amazing progress with admitting his feelings!
Too bad that Robin is successfully preventing their relationship from making progress at all.

Oh boy, this was fun to write!

Yeah, not some cheesy "OmgIloveyoutooletsmarry" kind of crap. I never liked stories where everything turned out great and happy after someone confesses their feelings. So BB will have to suffer some more, sorry guys! 3